From Job Charts to First Jobs: Teaching Kids Responsibility

Ashley warily eyed the control panel on the washing machine. She suspected that one false move might break the machine, cause bodily injury or---worse---ruin her favorite sweater. Ashley, a college freshman, had never done laundry by herself.

Ashley is a fictional character, but this scenario and others like it play out every fall in college dormitories throughout the United States.

One of our most important jobs as parents is to teach our children how to take care of themselves. How do we do that, though, when we can't even get them to pick up their socks?
Home Sweet Home

"When my kids were small, they didn't always help clean up, and I never used a job chart," said Stacey Nymeyer, mother of three. "But having a clean house was important to me, and it became important to the kids. When our house is clean, we're happy. We can find what we need, we can invite friends over without embarrassment and we just feel better.

"I always stressed the reasons for having a clean house over complicated chore charts. Anyone can figure out how to clean a room once they're motivated to do so."

So, if a clean house is a happy house, where do we start? And how do we turn that into a life lesson? Some do so by organizing the house so that everything has a proper place and insisting that all family members put things away. Adopting this approach will keep your house cleaner and teach children to appreciate order.

Children are easily overwhelmed by the task of cleaning a huge mess. When they're young, work with them to accomplish tasks and break jobs down into manageable steps, advises Marie-Nathalie Beaudoin, Ph.D., author of "The SKILL-ionaire in EVERY Child: Boosting Children's Socio-Emotional Skills Using the Latest in Brain Research."

Children are more willing to help if you give them simple directions, such as, "You put all the dinosaur toys in this box, and I'll put the crayons in the basket."

As children get older, offer them a choice of jobs and give them advance notice. Don't use chores as punishments or rewards, but rather as an opportunity to contribute to family life. If job charts and lists work for your kids, use them---as long as your approach is positive.

The weekly command to "clean your room" often results in slammed doors and hurt feelings. Ask yourself what children are really learning in these circumstances.

The most important point to remember, notes Dr. Joseph Shrand, instructor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, is that children learn best through positive role-modeling and encouragement. "If we are demeaned, we turn off, and so will our kids," Shrand said.

Many families have a family work date on Saturday mornings, followed by a fun activity. Plan your schedule so you accomplish chores together regularly. Perhaps you fold laundry together while you watch television one afternoon each week, or you spend 15 minutes picking up clutter before you go to bed.

Start these rituals when children are young, and consistently observe them. Children may balk sometimes and probably won't always perform their jobs perfectly, but with time they'll come to realize the value of contributing.

Express appreciation for your children's efforts, says Beaudoin, and give specific, positive feedback, such as, "I noticed how hard you worked on dusting the table. You kept going even though you wanted to play outside. Look how shiny and nice it looks now." Discuss the values you are trying to teach, such as hard work, determination and persistence.
The Big Picture

Teaching your kids responsibility may seem like an uphill battle, but they're absorbing more than you know. Nymeyer recalls a phone call she received from her college-age daughter. "Mom, I went to the grocery store, and I bought everything you buy," her daughter said. "Now what do I do with it?"

Nymeyer's daughter had never shown much interest in cooking at home, but when faced with learning to cook or subsisting on ramen noodles and beef jerky, she quickly mastered a few skills. Today, Nymeyer said, her daughter is the queen of stir-fry.

When your children leave for college or another endeavor, cooking, laundry and basic housekeeping skills suddenly gain new value. The child who never picked up his clothes may suddenly become a neat freak in his own apartment. The child who never seemed to listen to your instructions calls home frequently for advice, asking, for example, what kind of laundry detergent to buy and how to defrost chicken.

Parenting doesn't end when your child leaves home; you'll still have many opportunities to teach skills. When I recently asked my own daughter if she was getting enough fruits and vegetables at college, she complained that the big bunches of bananas the store sells turn brown before she can eat them all. I suggested that she break off two or three bananas from the bunch and just buy those.

She responded with the words every parent hopes to hear: "Wow, Mom, you're brilliant! What would I do without you?"

 

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Teaching Before Birth:Prenatal Education

The busiest time in anyone's life happens before birth! Not only will your baby grow from the size of a blueberry to being a fully functioning human being, but every tissue and organ of her body will grow out of what was once just a single cell.

But there is far more to your baby's time in the womb than simply growing physically. All of your baby's senses are developing during his time in the womb. While sound will be his primary source of stimulation, touch, vision, taste and even smell will also help his brain to grow, as he begins learning about his parents and the outside world that will soon be his new home.

Until the advent of four-dimensional ultrasound technology – enabling us to observe babies moving in the womb in real time – our ideas about a baby's perceptions and experiences in the womb were extremely limited. Recent scientific research has revealed some startling facts about fetal development.

The issue of when to teach children to read is a hotly debated one. Increasing numbers of parents are teaching reading early, and increasing numbers of children are learning to read as preschoolers. Yet, there is no shortage of parents, educators and developmentalists opposed to this phenomenon. Some believe that early reading harms children, while others think children are cognitively not ready to learn to read until they start school. A commonly heard criticism is that it is wrong to “push” children to read before the age of five or six. Some would even like to see the general reading age pushed back to seven.It is our belief that teaching children to read at a young enough age frees them from the potential burden of learning to read in school. We believe that it is learning to read too late that actually causes the process to become burdensome.

 

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what is right-brain learning?

Introduction
Most people have a dominant hand, a dominant foot and a dominant eye. And so it goes for the brain, and for most of us, the left hemisphere is dominant.

The school system generally rewards left-brained individuals, who think in a logical, linear fashion, and learn best through hearing. Right-brained people think in a non-linear, intuitive fashion, and learn best through seeing and feeling. At school, right-brained children will often be marked down for not showing the working used to reach their answers. What their teachers fail to realize is these children don't have the usual working to show, having reached the correct destination by an unorthodox route.

According to right-brain educators such as Glenn Doman and Makoto Shichida, accessing the right brain not only enables a child to learn more efficiently, it can even unlock genius-level abilities. It is not that right-brain teaching will give you a genius baby, but rather that there is a genius already inside every baby – if only we can access the abilities of the right brain.

What kind of genius babies are we talking about? Children with talents like speed reading and photographic memory – and the seemingly limitless powers of recall associated with them. Kids with the ability to produce an accurate drawing of something only once glanced at, or tell instantly that the number of items being shown to them is 97 – and not 98 or 96. Prodigious musical talents and the ability of perfect pitch also rely on the use of the right brain.

Seeing like Einstein

If any of the above rings a bell, it is probably because you are familiar with the phenomenon of savants – autistic or otherwise mentally deficient individuals with genius-level skills in specific areas.

According to studies using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) scans, both geniuses and savants show greater-than-average activation in the right hemisphere of the brain. The left brain is responsible for verbal processing, which explains why savants (who commonly have damage to the left brain) typically experience difficulties with language.

The right hemisphere of the brain is responsible for visual and spatial processing, and the ability to "see" problems in multiple dimensions is one of the most prodigious talents of the greatest physicists. Interestingly, Einstein not only possessed this ability, he also suffered from language delays in childhood, inviting suggestions that he was a savant. So why can’t we all use our right brain the way Einstein did? Our left brain is dominant for a reason: by suppressing the activities of the right, it filters out a surfeit of data constantly bombarding our senses. This enables us to make sense of reality and avoid sensory overload. Without the left-brain filter, autism sufferers typically are hypersensitive to sensory stimuli and find ordinary social interactions overwhelming. The rest of us take for granted, for example, the ability to hold a conversation without being distracted by background noises. But because our perception of reality is controlled by the left brain, this means a great deal of the sensory input we receive is entering beneath the conscious radar, making it difficult to access that information at will.

The idea of right-brain teaching is to change both the way we learn and the way we recall data. The normal way to memorize information is to store it in our short-term memory (in the left brain) and use repetition to transfer it to our long-term memory (in the right brain). By bypassing the left brain and accessing our long-term memory directly, we learn faster. We can also learn to recall information normally not accessible because it has been received on a subconscious level – say, through speed reading. The only way to achieve this is by freeing the right hemisphere of the brain from its suppression by the left. In doing so, the right brain becomes activated – much as it is in a genius, savant, or young child!

 

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